Bad Adverts for God: Singledom

‘You should be content with your singledom.’

‘God wants you to use this time to develop yourself.’

‘Enjoy it while it lasts!’

These are just some of the messages I received while I was single. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I had agreed with them. (It also would not have been so bad if everyone my age wasn’t already married, by the way.) But the main thing that made it horrible was that I wasn’t happy being single. I wasn’t content. I was frustrated. And there’s nothing worse than trying to feel content when you’re just not.

I felt like I had to fake being happy. While my friends were trying to decide whether or not to have a third child, I was the third wheel in every conversation, every get-together, every dinner invite. I desperately wanted to be married, and not just for the sake of fitting in with everyone else. I was a loving person, and I wanted to give that love to someone special.

But with no takers on the horizon, I felt the pressure of ‘enjoying’ my overt rejection. Especially in Christian circles. I felt like I had to put on a show of contentment, or else I would be a bad Christian. I was worried, too worried as it turns out, about being judged.

So I tried. ‘What will people think of me,’ I mused, ‘if I say I’m Christian but I whinge and complain about being single? It would be a pretty poor advert for God, wouldn’t it?’

I wish someone sensible had talked sense into me at that point. I wish Older Me had sat me down and said, ‘You’re not a bad advert for God by being honest.’ I wish I had known that you can feel sadness and loneliness and discontentment, and that none of these human feelings make you a bad Christian. And that even if someone did judge me for it—who cares?

I wish someone had reassured me that God was not disappointed in me for feeling this way—and that God was not interested in judging me by my level of spiritual attractiveness.

Today I want to say this to you. Hopefully you already know this and you are more sensible than I was in my twenties, but just in case: if you are single and unhappy about it, it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to be honest about it. God doesn’t think any less of you because of it; if anything, he joins with you in that sadness and frustration. He cares about how you feel. He doesn’t think you’re a bad advert, and he’s not judging you like a Christianity sales rep. You’re his child, and he loves you.

May God’s peace and reassurance rest on you today.

Have you ever felt pressured to ‘fake happy’ as a single person? What was that like for you? Do you ever worry about being a ‘bad advert’ for God? Share your story. Let’s have a countercultural conversation.