‘You should be content with your singledom.’ ‘God wants you to use this time to develop yourself.’ ‘Enjoy it while it lasts!’ These are just some of the messages I received while I was single. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I had agreed with them. (It also would not have been so bad […]
single
Myths of Singledom
I met my husband later in life: I was twenty-nine. OK, that may not sound like a ‘late’ marriage, but in my church circles everyone was married by the ripe old age of twenty-one. At twenty-nine, I was considered practically retired. Or a leper. During those years of singledom, I encountered some interesting myths and […]
Single AND Content? In This Economy?
It’s funny how contentment can shift as time passes. For years, I was content being single. People around me were getting married, having babies, trialling separation. I felt genuinely happy for them (or sympathetic, in the case of separation), without even a glimmer of jealousy or discontentment. Occasionally I felt lonely, living solo in my […]
Being Single is Now OK, Apparently
‘Single people must be valued at the heart of our society,’ declares a recent article in The Guardian*, boldly restating what many single people have been saying for years. The article, popularised on social media in recent weeks, highlights a report on a 2-year commission into relationships and family in the Church of England, ordered by […]
Singledom in the Church
‘So much of the church,’ said Desiree, ‘is about marriage.’ Desiree was giving a talk on singledom at C3 Ballina*, and I love that the first thing she does is acknowledge how much of church life is focused on and revolves around couples. (Disclaimer: Desiree also references my book, Surviving Singledom, so I am somewhat biased […]
Welcoming Vulnerability?
Why do we struggle with vulnerability so badly? I find myself constantly coming up against the vulnerability of mystery in my life: the mystery of why I was single for so long (it felt interminable at the time), the risk of pregnancy going badly wrong, the insanity of chronic illness, and the way God sometimes […]
Alternative Dates for Valentine’s Day
I have never liked Valentine’s Day. Not when I was single. Not now that I am married. To me, if you want to show someone you love them, including yourself, there is no reason to wait for a commercially driven fest like Valentine’s Day. You just do it. When I was single, I did just […]
The Benefits of Being Single
‘Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.’ (1 Corinthians 7:7 MSG) This famous (or infamous, depending on who you talk […]
Single, Lonely…and Content?
Have you ever been told you should be content with being single? Has anyone promised you that as soon as you find contentment, your spouse will magically appear? These might sound like rhetorical questions, but I genuinely want to know. Because when I was single and lonely and frustrated about it, I was flooded with […]
False Hope or False Economy?
When I was single, I was the unwitting recipient of false hope. ‘It will happen for you.’‘You’ll meet someone.’‘You’re gonna make some man very happy one day!’ And of course, the trump card from Christian friends: ‘God will not deny you the desire of your heart.’ The same thing happens to childless people as well. […]