‘God wants you to be fruitful and multiply.’ ‘Sex is only for procreation.’ ‘Motherhood is the greatest gift God can give you.’ There’s pressure in Christian circles to have children. Don’t believe me? I’ve been subjected to each of the above. In fact, I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that I’m in sin if […]
Bad Adverts for God: Singledom
‘You should be content with your singledom.’ ‘God wants you to use this time to develop yourself.’ ‘Enjoy it while it lasts!’ These are just some of the messages I received while I was single. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I had agreed with them. (It also would not have been so bad […]
Self-Kindness: Still A Thing
A weird thing happened today: I didn’t push myself. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but trust me, as a recovering perfectionist, and as a person living with chronic illness, self-kindness is kinda miraculous. I have been accustomed to pushing myself like a work horse for a long time. Probably my […]
A Portia Story
I want to tell you a story. Nearly four years ago, my calico cat, Portia, died. (Her anniversary is coming up in June.) She hadn’t been well for a few weeks before her death: not eating, not ‘talking’ in her catty way, not peeing right…well, she was peeing, but not inside her litter tray, if […]
My Dead Friend’s Gift
My friend died a couple of weeks ago. His funeral was last week. I watched online from interstate as his friends, family and wife shared funny and heartwarming stories about his life. He was a gifted musician, a cellist, among other things. He was the kind of musician who could organise, orchestrate and conduct entire […]
Names of My Children
Here we go again: Mother’s Day. This day invariably brings up grief for the children I wanted but never had. This grief, while uncomfortable and distressing, is a natural reaction to the loss of carefully planned hopes and dreams in my life. But how to grieve for these children? There are many ways to grieve […]
Changing Lanes and Taking Risks
‘Stay in your lane’ is a frequent social media soundbite that is not so much advice as it is admonishment. And I get it. I do. There’s only so much a millionaire can say about living on the poverty line, for example. Or that an expert on Russian poetry can tell me about when to […]
Collateral Beauty
‘Instead of focusing on collateral damage all the time,’ my friend smiled, ‘I’m trying to see the collateral beauty in the midst of the challenges. I’m looking at them as opportunities. And that’s made all the difference.’ Her phrase “collateral beauty” struck me—so much so that I asked her permission to use it on the […]
I’m an Alfa Romeo
‘Sorry I don’t have better news,’ the doctor apologised. ‘But you’re going to need surgery.’ I laughed hollowly. ‘It’s okay, I’m used to getting fresh diagnoses every other day. In fact, you can put this new one on my tab!’ The news about surgery wasn’t all bad; surgery was a long-awaited answer to a chronic […]
No Condemnation
I have an inner critic. It hisses in my ear when I’m doing well, mocks my efforts and tells me I may as well give up now and become a hermit who lives in the woods, collecting berries and communing with squirrels. It gives me an even worse time when I’m doing poorly, playing the […]
