I woke up with a niggle in my chest. It’s fine, I told myself. I took pain killers anyway. They I laid down to rest, but the pain became rapidly worse. So I got up, sat on the couch, and began praying that the pain killers would kick in really soon. Twenty minutes later I […]
grief
I Feel Seen…Or A Shameless Promo for World Childless Week
It can be hard to feel seen. In today’s online world, where our opinions and values are often reduced to brief social media posts or twenty-second soundbites, the risk of being misunderstood and openly criticised is real. Even in Zoom-based interactions, it can be challenging to read facial expressions and body language accurately. We can […]
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What I Do on a Wobbly Day
I had one of those days. Yep, you guessed it. I had a wobbly day. Right before Father’s Day too. I was out with friends. The conversation turned, quite inexplicably, toward babies, miscarriage and mothers who had nearly lost their children in childbirth. It would have been fine if it hadn’t gone on so long. […]
It Takes A Village…To Survive Childlessness
Submissions for the annual World Childless Week (WCW)* opened this week. I’m already thinking about what I might submit by way of written pieces. Inevitably, this has got me reflecting on why we bother to write at all, especially for something as public as WCW. I write partly for selfish reasons. Writing about my childless […]
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Praying Through Infertility—Faith Renovations
‘When we start from the foundation of knowing we are loved, rather than demolishing our faith, times of pain can lead to faith renovations…’ – ‘A Firm Foundation’, Katherine Gantlett, from Praying Through Infertility. This quote for me sums up the entire message and tone of Praying Through Infertility, the 90-day devotional for men and women struggling […]
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Don’t Hurry My Grief
I don’t get why people want me to move on from childless grief. ‘We just want you to be happy,’ they say. Apparently, in their eyes, me being ‘happy’ means not grieving and probably forgetting about being childless as well. I have a few problems with this. First of all, what makes you think I’m not […]
Weird Childless Relief
After my recent surgery I experienced intense nausea and vomiting for a week. As the vomiting finally backed off, I remarked to a friend, ‘If morning sickness is anything like that, I’m glad I was never pregnant!’ I was slightly surprised at my own comment. Childlessness brings many unpleasant emotions with it: disappointment, anger, grief. […]
Music is My IV
I’ve been listening to music during my latest illness flare. A lot. You could say music is my IV. Music has always been a lifeline for me. From childhood days when I would sing songs softly to God at bedtime, through teenaged years of alternate rock and angst-ridden folklore, to now when I sing for […]
The Grief of Cancelled Plans
I look into the empty starless night, The blackened expanse reflecting The void in my own heart. The place where gatherings, meals, Conversation, laughter, exchanges of gifts Should have lived. Now disappointment reigns— The disappointment of cancellation After cancellation, Where plans were made, Postponed, And cancelled again. Not for unwillingness or indecision, But for illness, […]
I’m Childless—And Unashamed
There seems to be a lot of social media shaming childless people at present. They mock us for ageing alone. They point out how selfish we are. They bemoan the future of the Church, saying its decline is imminent without procreating couples—as though the Church were on the fragile precipice of implosion and childless people […]