‘Don’t worry, your singleness is just for a season,’ my friend reassured me. ‘Why don’t you use this season to work on yourself?’ Ugh. There is so much in these two seemingly innocuous sentences that irks me. Beyond the misconception that once you work on yourself the right partner will magically appear, summoned by your […]
marriage
The Pressure to Marry (and Become an Instant Baby-Making Machine)
‘So, when are you guys gonna have kids?’ My friend’s question hit me square between the eyes. To say I was surprised would have been an understatement. I was freshly engaged, not yet married. Was it normal to be pestered by baby-related questions the minute one got engaged? Unfortunately, I am not alone in my […]
Being Single is Now OK, Apparently
‘Single people must be valued at the heart of our society,’ declares a recent article in The Guardian*, boldly restating what many single people have been saying for years. The article, popularised on social media in recent weeks, highlights a report on a 2-year commission into relationships and family in the Church of England, ordered by […]
Singledom in the Church
‘So much of the church,’ said Desiree, ‘is about marriage.’ Desiree was giving a talk on singledom at C3 Ballina*, and I love that the first thing she does is acknowledge how much of church life is focused on and revolves around couples. (Disclaimer: Desiree also references my book, Surviving Singledom, so I am somewhat biased […]
Single, Lonely…and Content?
Have you ever been told you should be content with being single? Has anyone promised you that as soon as you find contentment, your spouse will magically appear? These might sound like rhetorical questions, but I genuinely want to know. Because when I was single and lonely and frustrated about it, I was flooded with […]
False Hope or False Economy?
When I was single, I was the unwitting recipient of false hope. ‘It will happen for you.’‘You’ll meet someone.’‘You’re gonna make some man very happy one day!’ And of course, the trump card from Christian friends: ‘God will not deny you the desire of your heart.’ The same thing happens to childless people as well. […]
Singledom: The Short Straw?
A recent Triple J radio interview struck a chord with me. Yesterday, on the 8th of July 2021, Triple J’s Hack podcast talked about how singles often get the short straw in social situations, with their dating life on public display and even used as a source of entertainment by their coupled friends. (Listen here: interview […]
Sex and Singledom
It’s hard not having sex when you’re single. Even when you’re a Christian. And even when you’re female. I’ve heard Christians still have sex before marriage, they just wait longer than the non-Christian mainstream. And Christians utilise porn, both men and women. So Christians are thinking about sex, and having sex, despite the church’s teachings […]