‘How come you’re still single?’ probed my not-so-subtle colleague. ‘You must be one of those career women!’
Groan. If I had a proverbial dollar for every time someone assumed I’m a ‘career woman’…I’d be at least one dollar richer. Seriously, what’s with the assumption that single women are career women by default? Aren’t we allowed to have jobs?
What’s with the assumption that single women are career women by default?
You would have thought things would improve when I got married. But no. It seems married-but-childless women are subject to a similar level of public scrutiny. ‘Did you forgo having kids so you could focus on your career?’ Um, no. I may be childless, but that does not necessarily mean I am a workaholic or that I’m overly ambitious in the workplace.
There seems to be an assumption in society that one is either focused on raising a family or climbing the career ladder all the way to the top. For some people, this may well be true. Some may strive for the best of both worlds: a rich family life plus a super successful career.
There seems to be an assumption that one is either focused on raising a family or climbing the career ladder to the top.
Personally, I have never been overly ambitious with respect to my chosen vocation. I’m passionate about my work, but I’m not addicted to it or anything. I work part-time. I never do overtime (except for life-and-death situations). I’m not interested in advancing to a management level. Quite the opposite. Someone else can deal with office politics, thank you very much!
When I explain to people that I’m not overly career-focused, they look confused. Some respond by encouraging me to pursue management roles. I point out that I’d rather have my nose-hairs plucked. It seems they’re more invested in my career than I am. In such conversations, I glimpse their underlying assumption: for a childless person to exist with any kind of meaning, they must pursue a career.
Surely there’s a third option? Maybe even a fourth?
In response to this pervasive social assumption that single and childless people must by default be career-focused individuals (because apparently they have no ‘family’, ugh), I have created a list of twenty-seven worthwhile things one might pursue other than career and family. You may wish to add more:
– Travel
– Home ownership
– Charity or volunteer work
– Ministering to your local church or community
– Rest
– Time with God
– Reading books
– Listening to music
– Spending time with friends, chosen family, pets
– Self-pampering
– Photography, writing, composition, drawing, painting, and any number of other creative pursuits (whether paid or not)
– Gardening
– Dancing
– Dining out (alone or with others)
– Connecting with an online community
– Cooking and baking
– Caring for someone
– Spending time in nature
– Fitness pursuits
– Op shopping
– Decorating
– Making online videos
– Gaming
– Starting a group, collaboration or business endeavour
– Pampering others
– Studying
– Public speaking
– And many more!
I’m so thankful that life is richer and more multi-faceted than ‘career’ or ‘family’. You don’t have to identify as a ‘career woman’ or ‘career man’. These other pursuits can and do add colour and meaning to our worlds. They are not lesser just because they are unpaid, or because the people involved are not related to us.
Life is richer and more multi-faceted than ‘career’ or ‘family’.
Sometimes these things come to hold more meaning than career or family ever could.
What other pursuits would you add to this list? Have you ever been told, as a childless or single person, that you are a career person? How did you respond to that? Share your story. Let’s have a countercultural conversation.