Real Love

“You will never know real love,” intoned the preacher, “Never experience the full extent of God’s love, until you have your own child.” I was a teenager then: young, passive and impressionable. The preacher’s words certainly made an impression on me that day. Gee, non-parents must miss out big time. These days, I am not […]

Continue reading


Forced Choice

I had been married for two years when I was diagnosed with lupus. I was thirty-one years old at the time. My husband and I had decided to enjoy our time together before making any hurried decisions about family. Our deadline was to make a decision by the time I turned thirty-five. We were not […]

Continue reading


What Not To Say

One thing people ask me about is how to talk to childless people. Specifically, people who are parents tell me they worry about saying the wrong thing to those who are childless. Such conversations can be a tricky bridge to cross. I can understand this. I have been the recipient of a few “wrong things” […]

Continue reading


To My Friends With Children

You may not believe this. I have friends who are parents. Here I am, a childless thirty-something, friends with other people who have children. It’s true. But how can this happen, I hear you ask? Don’t childless people get put off by parents and vice versa? Not all of us. Some of us are very […]

Continue reading


Lamenting Childlessness

“It’s God’s will.” “Maybe God doesn’t want you to be a parent.” “You need to get on with your life.” Society is good at handing out advice to childless people. It tells people how they ought to feel and for how long. Those of us who are grieving do not need a pat answer or […]

Continue reading


Lamenting Singledom

Single and 29. It does not sound very old, does it? And yet I felt ancient. Surrounded by 21-year-old marrieds, I was beginning to feel like life had passed me by. Fellow 29-year-olds were trying to decide whether or not to have a third child. Meanwhile, my prayers for a husband seemed to be falling […]

Continue reading


Angry with God

“Oh God, You have rejected us and cast us off, Broken down our defenses, and scattered us. You have been angry – O restore us And turn Yourself to us again! You have made the land to quake and tremble, You have rent it open; Repair its breaches, for it shakes and totters. You have […]

Continue reading


Savouring Chocolate

I’m a rationer when it comes to chocolate. I have always had a sweet tooth – since I was a kid – and I have always been able to ration my chocolate supplies. Some people like to binge on chocolate, but not me. I take a bite and I savour every moment. I find this […]

Continue reading


By Design

A preacher once said to me, “If you are planted in the right environment, you will flourish.” He was speaking metaphorically, of course, comparing our lives with those of trees. The preacher suggested that different types of trees require different environments, different soils, different exposure to light and so on, in order to grow into […]

Continue reading


It’s Not Just You

When I first asked for volunteers with stories of childlessness, I had no idea that so many people would respond. I also had no idea how many of those people would suffer from medical conditions. It seems that there is a high correlation between illness and childlessness. This was encouraging for me, given that I […]

Continue reading