‘How wonderful to express your pain through writing,’ people often enthuse. ‘It must be so cathartic!’ Yes—and no. On the one hand, I find it helpful to get my feelings onto paper or screen. Seeing things in black and white can give me clarity about my problems, not to mention perspective. Sometimes, when I write […]
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Finding Rest
I received so many comments in response to last weeks’ blog that I figured they warranted their own blog! It seems many readers could relate to the concept of rest not being restful whether because of chronic illness, pain, fatigue or sleep problems. It’s good to know we are not alone. Here follows the helpful […]
When Rest is Not Restful
There’s no rest for the wicked—or the chronically ill. When friends tell me, ‘Take care,’ or ‘Look after yourself,’ I seldom know how to respond. It’s hard to take care of myself when I live with chronic illness. Things can flare without warning. Pain can knock me sideways. Sometimes I have to say no to […]
His Disfigurements
‘We looked down on him, thought he was scum. But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed […]
Welcoming Vulnerability?
Why do we struggle with vulnerability so badly? I find myself constantly coming up against the vulnerability of mystery in my life: the mystery of why I was single for so long (it felt interminable at the time), the risk of pregnancy going badly wrong, the insanity of chronic illness, and the way God sometimes […]
How ‘Two Sisters and a Brain Tumour’ Helped Me
I recently read Two Sisters and a Brain Tumour, a memoir by author friend Emily J. Maurits. Even though it was about a brain tumour, I enjoyed reading it—probably because it was about so much more than that. The author takes us on a journey through her relationship with her sister, with all the tension and […]
False Hope or False Economy?
When I was single, I was the unwitting recipient of false hope. ‘It will happen for you.’‘You’ll meet someone.’‘You’re gonna make some man very happy one day!’ And of course, the trump card from Christian friends: ‘God will not deny you the desire of your heart.’ The same thing happens to childless people as well. […]
The Rage that Lives Inside the Grief
Chronic illness is wildly unfair. The relentless pain and fatigue and uncertainty about the future, let alone the never-ending medical appointments, is enough to quietly drive oneself out of one’s mind. (For some of us, that’s a short ride.) The losses of illness are pervasive. It is not just about losing flexible joints or a […]
Why I Sing When I’m Sad
I was recently interviewed for the Childless and Christian online conference, and while listening back to myself (which can be both horrifying and reassuring), I was struck by how creativity can help us in our grief. Five months ago, I was watching a movie when I was struck with an image of my daughter, the […]