When I’m sick, I feel useless. I question my worth, and what’s worse, others question it too. I have to be a ‘contributing’ member of society, proving my value through usefulness and productivity. Even in church, there’s pressure to ‘contribute’ in some shape or form. So how do I contribute when I’m down for the […]
illness
Stuck in the Middle
If you want a story with a happy ending—or indeed, any kind of ending—you’d better stop reading now. This story, like an unfinished symphony, is incomplete. I am still living this story; I do not know how it ends. All I know is I am currently stuck in the middle of a seemingly endless stretch […]
Radical Rest
We all dream of holidays. This photo was taken from a wonderful holiday of mine. We all fantasise about exotic escapes, island getaways, country retreats or just a quiet break at home. For those of us who holiday once a year, there is a distinct feeling of weary anticipation as the year nears its end. […]
In Honour of Bereaved Mothers
This Sunday is International Bereaved Mother’s Day (first Sunday in May every year). In honour of bereaved mothers everywhere, I want to acknowledge the different kinds of bereaved mothers in our communities. The mothers who had a child or children and lost them. The mothers of stillborn babies. The mothers who lost pregnancies to miscarriage. […]
Not Yet Resurrected
I have been sick for two weeks. At the start, I thought it was just a cold. Boy was I wrong. I have been struggling to breathe ever since. Every little thing causes my breathing to get worse, so I have been virtually living in lockdown. And I am no better. I finally made it […]
The Rage that Lives Inside the Grief
Chronic illness is wildly unfair. The relentless pain and fatigue and uncertainty about the future, let alone the never-ending medical appointments, is enough to quietly drive oneself out of one’s mind. (For some of us, that’s a short ride.) The losses of illness are pervasive. It is not just about losing flexible joints or a […]
Costly Worship
Have you ever worshiped God in the midst of tragedy? Or while you’re sick? Or in the throes of anxiety? Or in the middle of a pandemic? If so, you understand the cost of worship. You have paid the price of putting your own genuine needs aside in order to serve others. You know what […]
Why I Write About Childlessness
I relate to the boy with the loaves and fish. In John 6, Jesus fed a crowd of five thousand people by taking an anonymous boy’s food, five loaves of bread and two fish, and handing it out. Not only was everyone satisfied, they had twelve baskets full of leftovers. I feel like that as […]
How I’m Dealing with Health Setbacks (or Not)
I recently broke my shoulder. And it was a clever break too, in a part of the shoulder that apparently gets broken only one percent of the time. I slipped on a wet floor and landed with all my weight on my shoulder. Simple as that. And you can bet your arm it was elegant. […]
Pacing my Illness
‘OK, I need you to do these five tests, and I’m referring you to another specialist,’ declared my GP. I winced. I already had a full week planned. Where was I going to find the time for all these tests? ‘I need a PA!’ I replied half-jokingly. But in my mind, I was overwhelmed. How […]