Names of My Children

Here we go again: Mother’s Day. This day invariably brings up grief for the children I wanted but never had. This grief, while uncomfortable and distressing, is a natural reaction to the loss of carefully planned hopes and dreams in my life. But how to grieve for these children? There are many ways to grieve […]

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Is Writing Cathartic? 

‘How wonderful to express your pain through writing,’ people often enthuse. ‘It must be so cathartic!’ Yes—and no.  On the one hand, I find it helpful to get my feelings onto paper or screen. Seeing things in black and white can give me clarity about my problems, not to mention perspective. Sometimes, when I write […]

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Here She is: the Angel At My Keyboard

Last year I wrote a song called Angel At My Keyboard, written about and for the daughter I never had. It tells the story of a little girl who learns to play the keyboard, and I teach her. Music becomes something we share. It’s total fantasy, of course, like most of our hopes and dreams for […]

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Angel at my Keyboard

I had a childlessness-related wobble the other day. I was watching a soppy movie (don’t at me) and it ended with a father promising to teach his baby daughter how to play basketball.  I’m not usually a fan of Hallmark treacle. I can’t stand the over-sentimentalism that dominates the genre of ‘family’ movies. But this […]

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