It can be hard to feel seen. In today’s online world, where our opinions and values are often reduced to brief social media posts or twenty-second soundbites, the risk of being misunderstood and openly criticised is real. Even in Zoom-based interactions, it can be challenging to read facial expressions and body language accurately.
We can leave many of these conversations feeling like no one really saw us.
Many of us grew up being invalidated. We were told we were too smart, or not smart enough; too pretty, or not pretty enough. We were too skinny, too fat, too uncoordinated, too loud, too ‘out there’. We were weird. We were oddball. We were the outsider.
Many of us grew up being invalidated.
Invalidation is more than being called names. It is more than being yelled at or punished for simply being ourselves, though it is that too. It’s being told, in subtle or overt ways, that we have to change. That we are not OK. That we are not good enough.
Childless people are invalidated all the time. Minority groups often are. We are told that we are missing out on a fundamental life experience. We are told the love we have experienced thus far is inferior to the love experienced by a parent. We are told there is nothing more beautiful, more valuable, more meaningful than having a child.
Invalidating.
The grief of childlessness is often disenfranchised too—another form of invalidation. Being told that you don’t have anything to grieve because you never fell pregnant or because you are still alive after a miscarriage, or that you should feel lucky or grateful, or any other variation of ‘Your feelings are wrong’, is invalidating. And yes, this stuff really happens to childless people.
The grief of childlessness is often disenfranchised—another form of invalidation.
Recently, I got trolled on social media for being childless. The troll told me off for not having the faith to believe I could conceive. This person doesn’t know me from Eve. Yet, the lives of childless people are often considered public domain. People weigh in on our childlessness all the time, invalidating our experiences and choices. (If you don’t believe me, check out the recent news stories relating to Kamala Harris’ childlessness.)
In a world where our experiences and often our personhood are open to public debate and criticism, it’s great to have a safe space like World Childless Week where our childlessness, and the grief thereof, is validated. We can share our stories, whatever shape they take, and know they will be heard. We can stand up and speak up. No one will judge us; most of us have similar experiences.
There’s nothing like finding your tribe to help you feel seen.
There’s nothing like finding your tribe to help you feel seen.
World Childless Week begins in earnest next Mon 16th Sept 2024. I hope you can join us in some capacity: share your story, join a webinar, read some articles, post links online. Remember that you can pace yourself too, and just read a little at a time. The articles and webinars will be available all year, so there is no pressure to plough through them.
I usually write an article or two for the Week, which I have done this year, but I also felt a nudge to give back to the community in a broader way. So I put my hand up to be in a webinar. Guess what? I’m now hosting a pet webinar on Wed 18th Sept! As much as it thrills me to play this part, I’m hoping it speaks to you, and many others, about our solidarity. We may at times feel alone in childlessness, but none of us is truly alone.
I hope you feel truly seen and wholly accepted for who you are this World Childless Week.
Have you ever participated in World Childless Week in some way? What has been enjoyable or helpful about the Week for you? Would you consider sharing, or have you already shared, your story with the childless community? Share your story. Let’s have a countercultural conversation.
For all links and information relating to World Childless Week 2024, click here: https://worldchildlessweek.net/past-events
For the pet webinar I’m hosting and how to register, click here: https://worldchildlessweek.net/events/do-pets-fill-the-void