Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was recently forced to watch free-to-air TV. I don’t watch much free TV, having long ago joined the ranks of the stream watchers. But I was locked down with the flu from hell in a hotel room, so free TV it was.
Part of my torture program included watching a lot of ads. Among the choice selection of infuriating ads was one about children aimed at parents wanting to protect and provide for their families (like any sane parent wouldn’t want to do that) and it ran every few minutes. The ingratiating female voiceover, presumable playing the character of Everymum, waxed lyrical about how children are ‘the most important thing.’
‘Everything changed when I became a mum,’ she droned on. ‘I realised there is nothing more important in my life than my children.’
I would hope so, I mentally responded. A parent who doesn’t prioritise their children probably shouldn’t be a parent.
But Everymum’s words turned sour in my stomach. What do childless people do with that? Of course, I realise the line is nothing more than a sales pitch aimed at parents, but if society sees children as the most important thing, then what is the most important thing for childless people?
Everymum’s words turned sour in my stomach. What do childless people do with that?
The answer is there is no ‘one answer’. Childless people, like anyone, value many good and worthy things. Some childless people value the non-biological children in their lives: nieces, nephews, godchildren, students they teach, kids next door, surrogate children, spiritual children, children they have supported in a myriad of ways, furbabies, and children of the world whom they have never met.
Other childless folk value doing work that is impactful and lasting. Many of us wanted to make a difference to the world through what we imparted to our children; part of the childless life is working out how we can still do that. Pursuing work or causes that are meaningful is one of the most rewarding aspects of our human existence.
Many people in the childless community value having a voice about their childless experience. They may write about childlessness, speak about it, podcast about it, raise awareness in their workplaces about it and champion the cause of childless people.
I value making a difference, and the ways I do that are helping others professionally, investing in close relationships, writing about my experiences, serving others through worship ministry, relishing God’s creation provided for our enjoyment, and listening for the voice of his Spirit. I also value playfulness, authenticity, rest and being in the moment.
There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to ‘the most important thing.’ Pursue whatever gives you a sense of purpose. Chase what gets you out of bed in the morning. Follow your heart and the promptings of the Spirit. That’s the most important thing.
What’s your ‘most important thing’? What things do you value and pursue? Does that make a difference to your childlessness? Share your story. Let’s have a countercultural conversation.