When I was single, I was the unwitting recipient of false hope. ‘It will happen for you.’‘You’ll meet someone.’‘You’re gonna make some man very happy one day!’ And of course, the trump card from Christian friends: ‘God will not deny you the desire of your heart.’ The same thing happens to childless people as well. […]
A ‘Real’ Woman
I recently read Chocolat and, without giving spoilers away, there’s a bit when one of the characters falls pregnant. What follows is a rather euphoric description of this woman feeling ‘full’ and ‘satisfied’. As though being pregnant, and having children, makes a woman complete. I am not in any way deriding this novel, which was […]
*When* You Have Kids…
Why do people say, ‘When you have kids…’ as though they know my future? It’s just as annoying as, ‘When you get married…’ Such blanket statements bely an assumption that we are all the same and will all follow the same trajectory in life: get married, have kids, raise them, kick them out of home […]
The Rage that Lives Inside the Grief
Chronic illness is wildly unfair. The relentless pain and fatigue and uncertainty about the future, let alone the never-ending medical appointments, is enough to quietly drive oneself out of one’s mind. (For some of us, that’s a short ride.) The losses of illness are pervasive. It is not just about losing flexible joints or a […]
If You Really Wanted Kids…
‘If you really wanted kids, you would do whatever it takes to have them. And if it was meant to be, it would have happened by now.’ Yes, there are people in the world who still think this is helpful advice to give to childless people. Where do I begin with dissecting this twaddle? OK, […]
Why Art Matters
I grew up believing art was the least important thing in life. Music, reading, writing—they all had to wait. Homework came first. I had to help with chores. The dog (or other pet-of-the-month) needed attention. Art sat securely at the bottom of my revolving to-do list. Don’t get me wrong, those other things were important. […]
Real Family
Ugh. It’s Valentine’s Day again. The time when everyone worships at the altar of dating, romance and marriage. The time when talk of ‘family’ means you have to have a partner (and usually children too). I can’t stand it. And I’m one of the marrieds. My heart goes out to single people this time of […]
Costly Worship
Have you ever worshiped God in the midst of tragedy? Or while you’re sick? Or in the throes of anxiety? Or in the middle of a pandemic? If so, you understand the cost of worship. You have paid the price of putting your own genuine needs aside in order to serve others. You know what […]
Blessed Are…
Blessed are the bin collectors For as they clean our filth And remove our baggage, So God will cleanse their hearts And remove their sins from them. Blessed are those who care for others Behind closed doors, in bathrooms, at the breakfast table For even though they are not Mother Theresa, And have not her […]
Am I Selfish?
Pop Francis recently got into hot water over his comments that people without children or ‘just one’ child are ‘selfish’, and that having pets instead of children ‘diminishes us, it takes away our humanity’ (see the full article here: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/jan/05/pope-couples-choose-pets-children-selfish). This provoked an onslaught of outraged online responses, particularly from the childless and childfree communities. Including […]