I have been told I’m lucky for not having kids. Usually this is in the context of well-meaning friends sharing their heartache over their kids going off the rails. They lament to me about their heartache and then say something along the lines of ‘You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with that’ or ‘You’re […]
Survivng Childlessness
My Prayer for You
There’s a lot of prayer involved in writing. I pray when I write. It is my prayer that God will use my words, my turns of phrase, to reach people who need to hear from him. Sometimes, when I write, I sense the Holy Spirit nudging me, prompting me to use certain language around the […]
Leaving Legacies—Writing
‘Write with great care,’ exhorted my university professor, ‘because everything you write lasts for eternity. Once your words are written down somewhere, they are immortal.’ I was twenty-one years old when I heard those words, spoken by my psychology tutor. He was, of course, referring to the clinical notes and reports written by professional psychologists. […]
Angel at my Keyboard
I had a childlessness-related wobble the other day. I was watching a soppy movie (don’t at me) and it ended with a father promising to teach his baby daughter how to play basketball. I’m not usually a fan of Hallmark treacle. I can’t stand the over-sentimentalism that dominates the genre of ‘family’ movies. But this […]
Childless-By-Forced-Choice
Childless-not-by-choice. Childless-by-circumstance. Childfree. There are many terms used to describe those who do not have children. It can be hard to know where one fits in the no-kids community, let alone society in general. A childless friend once told me I am childless-by-circumstance because of my medical condition. They said it was a unique circumstance […]
Finding Meaning in Childlessness
‘I was put on this earth to be a mother,’ my childless friend lamented. ‘What will I do with my life?’ Such is the lament of many childless women. Men also grieve the lost chance of fatherhood. When you truly believe your purpose in life is to raise children and, if you are Christian, teach […]
Childless People Have ‘Real Families’ Too
I constantly read online rhetoric about ‘working families’. All too often, this means two adults with children. It is the mainstream, the norm, the personification of the popular-yet-mythical ‘nuclear family’. Of course, not all forms of family fall under this definition. Traditional assumptions view families as adults-plus-children, which excludes childless people and treats them as […]
Why I Don’t Mind Turning 40
Some people are terribly afraid of ageing. In my early twenties I travelled with a group of girls who were petrified of the big two-five. ‘I really struggled with turning twenty,’ one of them confided. ‘I don’t know how I’ll cope with being twenty-five.’ I was in my thirties at the time. It baffled me […]
People-People
I love people-watching. Not in a creepy way. In a lazy, dreamy, casual observer sort of way. I’m people-watching right now. I’m sitting alone in a café, under fluorescent lights, listening to the hum of busy shoppers all around me. I watch the steam curl upwards from my cup of tea as I ponder the […]
What’s in a Name?
I was recently inspired by Bella DePaulo’s blog, Alone, Unattached and Other Wrong Terms for Single People[i]. This blog touched on some of the unhelpful names we give single people, names that imply singles are less-than the rest of society or missing something vital. I can relate to this. When I was single, people referred […]