There are some who would call me the Grinch. To a certain degree, this is true. The commercialism, the happy facades, the endless pressure to be and feel a certain way can lead to a distinct feeling of drudgery of the soul. But before I clothe myself in black and shuffle down the road muttering […]
Surviving Chronic Illness
Moments of Kindness
My friend and I were sitting in a café, enjoying our hot beverages and chatting eagerly. I was saying how remarkable it was that even though my life was filled with pain and illness, I was still able to write books and do music stuff. “It is so strange,” I commented. “Even in the middle […]
When Illness Kills Your Carpe Diem
Chronic illness sucks. Some days are not too bad, and it just sits quietly in the wings, biding its time. Then there are days like I had last week, when it kicks your legs out from under you. I was sitting at an appointment. It was a long sit. Three hours, to be exact. The […]
Why Perfectionism and Chronic Illness Don’t Mix
I am a born perfectionist. I grew up with the work-hard, follow-the-rules, be-a-good-Christian-girl mentality. I walk into a room and spot the dirt. I hear when a singer is singing flat. I notice spelling mistakes in books. I am not looking for these things, but they are the first things I see. Perfectionism is based […]
The Waiting Room
I spent this morning in a waiting room. Not coz I had nothing better to do. And not coz there was anything wrong with me. Thank you kindly for asking. It was for my cat. Yes, the things you do for love. While I was waiting for my cat to be seen, I got thinking […]
Put It On My Tab
I heard a story yesterday about resilience. Apparently there was a man born without hands or legs. We are talking lifelong disability here. One day he was out in the snow, and when he came in, he said, “Brrr it’s cold! I’m so cold I can’t feel my hands.” But seriously folks. . . As […]
Imprisoned
There are times in my wonderful, creative, blessed life when I feel imprisoned. I know I am a free white person and I understand the social and political privileges that come with that. But. I am living with chronic illness. And there are days when I feel caged in on all sides. Chronic illness is […]
Lupus Is Easy
I’m pretty annoyed as I write this. Actually, I’m livid. It is not every day someone makes a comment that gets me this riled up. Except for a doctor who minimises my experience of chronic illness. I have been avoiding finding a new GP. But last week it was necessary. My chronic illness flared up […]
Childless-By-Forced-Choice
I was married for two years when I was diagnosed with lupus. I was thirty-one at the time. The lupus diagnosis came after eight years of mysterious symptoms and misdiagnoses. (In that respect, the diagnosis was a blessing.) It was not a shock. It finally gave me clarity on all the bizarre, seemingly coincidental medical […]
Forced Choice
I had been married for two years when I was diagnosed with lupus. I was thirty-one years old at the time. My husband and I had decided to enjoy our time together before making any hurried decisions about family. Our deadline was to make a decision by the time I turned thirty-five. We were not […]