‘You are coping so well,’ remarked my doctor. ‘Every time I see you, you’re always so positive and upbeat.’ ‘Maybe I should come in on a bad day!’ I shot back, laughing. But his words made me think. What does ‘coping’ mean? How do people interpret my happy front or humour as coping—or do they […]
chronic illness
When Surgery is a Blessing
My arm is in a sling. I can’t use it. I can’t drive anywhere. I can’t wash the dishes. Cutting up food is out. I can only eat things that can be prepared and consumed single-handedly. I can’t even shave properly. And don’t ask me about showering and toileting. I’ve been typing all week with […]
Multiplication Challenges—Or Are They?
‘How do you deal with being childless at church?’ a friend recently asked me. ‘Do people put pressure on you to “Be fruitful and multiply”?’ I nodded emphatically. ‘You betcha. Happens all the time.’ Her eyes widened. ‘How do you deal with that?’ It’s a good question, isn’t it? What is the best way to […]
Welcoming Vulnerability?
Why do we struggle with vulnerability so badly? I find myself constantly coming up against the vulnerability of mystery in my life: the mystery of why I was single for so long (it felt interminable at the time), the risk of pregnancy going badly wrong, the insanity of chronic illness, and the way God sometimes […]
Roller-Skate While You Can!
‘I have decided,’ announced my psychologist/coach friend, Krystyna Kidson, ‘to make the most of things while I have them. To that end, I’m going to learn to roller-skate!’* We were discussing life with chronic illness and, in particular, I was lamenting the loss of predictability and control. ‘How can I go on,’ I moaned, ‘when […]
What Are Your Hopes for 2023?
I’m not setting goals and plans for this year. I’m not making New Year’s Resolutions anymore. It’s not that I don’t believe in them, and if they help you, knock yourself out. But one thing chronic illness has taught me is that my goals and plans are often laughably unrealistic. These days, when I set […]
Why Diagnosis Was a Relief For Me—and When Getting Better is Hard
Being diagnosed with a lifelong condition is a source of grief for many people. But diagnosis was actually a relief for me—and my grief sometimes gets worse when I get better, not just when I get sicker. I am unfortunate enough to be living with an absolute monster of an autoimmune disease commonly known as […]
Single and Sick
I recently took my husband to hospital for a day procedure. Afterwards, when we got back home and were recovering, he looked at me and said, ‘I can’t imagine how I would do this hospital stuff if I was still single!’ ‘I can’t imagine how I would do this hospital stuff if I was still […]
Stuck in the Middle
If you want a story with a happy ending—or indeed, any kind of ending—you’d better stop reading now. This story, like an unfinished symphony, is incomplete. I am still living this story; I do not know how it ends. All I know is I am currently stuck in the middle of a seemingly endless stretch […]
How My Rescue Cat Rescued Me
When I first bought my rescue cat, Portia, I thought I was doing a good thing. I saved her from death row, and I loved the idea of giving her a forever home. All the warm fuzzies. I had no idea she would save me. Portia was my companion in singledom. Portia was my companion […]