It can be hard to feel seen. In today’s online world, where our opinions and values are often reduced to brief social media posts or twenty-second soundbites, the risk of being misunderstood and openly criticised is real. Even in Zoom-based interactions, it can be challenging to read facial expressions and body language accurately. We can […]
Survivng Childlessness
What I Do on a Wobbly Day
I had one of those days. Yep, you guessed it. I had a wobbly day. Right before Father’s Day too. I was out with friends. The conversation turned, quite inexplicably, toward babies, miscarriage and mothers who had nearly lost their children in childbirth. It would have been fine if it hadn’t gone on so long. […]
To the ‘Other’ Fathers
This is an ode To the atypical fathers Who didn’t—couldn’t—have The biological children they wanted. Here’s to the adoptive fathers, The foster fathers, the step-fathers, The sponsor fathers. Here’s to the fathers Of neighbourhood children, Of close family friends’ kids, Of sports teams, Boy scouts and girl guides. Here’s to the surrogate fathers, The ones […]
I’m Not a ‘Career Woman’
‘How come you’re still single?’ probed my not-so-subtle colleague. ‘You must be one of those career women!’ Groan. If I had a proverbial dollar for every time someone assumed I’m a ‘career woman’…I’d be at least one dollar richer. Seriously, what’s with the assumption that single women are career women by default? Aren’t we allowed […]
It Takes A Village…To Survive Childlessness
Submissions for the annual World Childless Week (WCW)* opened this week. I’m already thinking about what I might submit by way of written pieces. Inevitably, this has got me reflecting on why we bother to write at all, especially for something as public as WCW. I write partly for selfish reasons. Writing about my childless […]
Praying Through Infertility—Faith Renovations
‘When we start from the foundation of knowing we are loved, rather than demolishing our faith, times of pain can lead to faith renovations…’ – ‘A Firm Foundation’, Katherine Gantlett, from Praying Through Infertility. This quote for me sums up the entire message and tone of Praying Through Infertility, the 90-day devotional for men and women struggling […]
Don’t Hurry My Grief
I don’t get why people want me to move on from childless grief. ‘We just want you to be happy,’ they say. Apparently, in their eyes, me being ‘happy’ means not grieving and probably forgetting about being childless as well. I have a few problems with this. First of all, what makes you think I’m not […]
Weird Childless Relief
After my recent surgery I experienced intense nausea and vomiting for a week. As the vomiting finally backed off, I remarked to a friend, ‘If morning sickness is anything like that, I’m glad I was never pregnant!’ I was slightly surprised at my own comment. Childlessness brings many unpleasant emotions with it: disappointment, anger, grief. […]
The Pressure to Marry (and Become an Instant Baby-Making Machine)
‘So, when are you guys gonna have kids?’ My friend’s question hit me square between the eyes. To say I was surprised would have been an understatement. I was freshly engaged, not yet married. Was it normal to be pestered by baby-related questions the minute one got engaged? Unfortunately, I am not alone in my […]
Music is My IV
I’ve been listening to music during my latest illness flare. A lot. You could say music is my IV. Music has always been a lifeline for me. From childhood days when I would sing songs softly to God at bedtime, through teenaged years of alternate rock and angst-ridden folklore, to now when I sing for […]