One of my parenting dreams was taking my children travelling. I always enjoyed travelling as a kid: the early morning starts when it is still dark, the air is cold and crisp, and the first stirrings of insects prelude the dawn chorus; the long sleeps in the car, and rambunctious singing along to cassette tapes […]
Survivng Childlessness
The Need for Silent Night
Everyone is talking about self-care this Christmas. For each of us, self-care will look different, depending on our personality, holiday plans and personal circumstances. Personally, I am living with childlessness and chronic illness. (And a cat. So it is not all bad.) Which begs the question: how does a person with grief and sickness celebrate […]
Unto Us a Child is Born…
‘Unto us a child is born…’ (Isaiah 9:6) Such a beautiful, inspiring verse. What does this verse mean for those who are childless? ‘Unto us a child is born…’ It’s a bold anthem of hope for the people of the world, that Christ our Saviour has come to us. ‘Unto us a child is born…’ […]
‘Be Fruitful and Multiply’—‘I Am!’
Can one ‘Be fruitful and multiply’ without having kids? This is a question I debate with myself on a regular basis. Mostly because childless (and childfree) people are often chided with the whole ‘But God commands us to be fruitful’ thing when others learn of our crime of childlessness. Yeah. I don’t love it either. […]
Unravelling
‘It’s God’s plan’, they say, As I quietly unravel, Wiping the tears discretely, So as not to interrupt Their conversation. I gather memories, images Of children I never had Like star clusters Sparkling in the black void. *** ‘It’s God’s plan’, they say, As I sidestep the awkward question About ‘family’, As I avoid the […]
God’s Plan?
I don’t know why so many people say the grief of childlessness is ‘God’s plan’. To be fair, when Christians say devastating events are ‘God’s plan’, I don’t think they mean God is a sadistic old so-and-so who is detached from our suffering and rather enjoys inflicting pain. (At least, I hope not.) Nor do I […]
The Sound of Silence
Perhaps if they didn’t say, ‘It’s God plan,’ there would just be an uncomfortable silence. Perhaps that’s why they fill it with words—even if the words crack and splinter, breaking apart in our hands. How easily the words crumble, revealing they were hollow inside. How often we patch up grief with platitudes. How often we […]
Here She is: the Angel At My Keyboard
Last year I wrote a song called Angel At My Keyboard, written about and for the daughter I never had. It tells the story of a little girl who learns to play the keyboard, and I teach her. Music becomes something we share. It’s total fantasy, of course, like most of our hopes and dreams for […]
Coping With Childlessness When Your Furbaby Dies
What do you do when your furbaby dies—especially when they were instrumental in coping with childlessness? My beautiful rescue cat, Portia, recently died. She was nineteen and had a few health problems, but a few months ago she went rapidly downhill with suspected renal failure. She went very peacefully in the end. Just like that, […]
Spiritual Children
‘To Timothy my true son in the faith: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.’ (1 Timothy 1:2) What will I see when I get to heaven? I am curious about what heaven will be like and the people I will meet there. I am sure I’ll see old […]