‘Doubled up with pain, I call to God All the day long. No answer. Nothing. I keep at it all night, tossing and turning… I’m a bucket kicked over and spilled, Every joint in my body has been pulled apart. My heart is a blob Of melted wax in my gut. I’m dry as a […]
prayer
Prayer of a Disfigured Christian
“The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field. There was nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look. He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away. We […]
Survival Skills: Beauty and Breath
In the cool of the evening, I walk down the winding street toward the lake. The sunlight is fading gently into deep yellow and orange, the feathered clouds tinged with pink. There are a few joggers and dog walkers about, and we exchange a nod and a soft greeting. I pass gum trees, bottle brushes […]
Survival Skills: Upending Ableism
‘You need to do more squats,’ said my friend. ‘When your muscles are stronger, your knees won’t hurt as much.’ I stared at her. ‘Yeah, no,’ I snorted. ‘I can’t actually do squats at all.’ ‘Well,’ she said, the cogs in her brain clearly struggling with the concept of someone being unable to do squats, […]
Survival Skills: Grieving Spaces
I woke up with a niggle in my chest. It’s fine, I told myself. I took pain killers anyway. They I laid down to rest, but the pain became rapidly worse. So I got up, sat on the couch, and began praying that the pain killers would kick in really soon. Twenty minutes later I […]
Am I Brave?
‘I don’t know how you cope with your illness,’ said my well-meaning friend. ‘You must be really brave!’ I flinched inwardly. I knew she meant it as a compliment, and I took it in the spirit in which it was given, but something in me reacted involuntarily. The notion of surviving chronic illness being reduced […]
Surviving Chronic Illness Has Arrived!
‘I’m think about writing another book,’ I said to my friend. We’d just been shopping and we were walking along the platform of the train station, talking about my second book which had just been published. ‘I’m feeling the itch to start my third book. It seems I can’t stop writing!’ I laughed. ‘Any idea […]
Blessings of a Writer’s Conference
I walk into the main conference auditorium, dragging my keyboard with me. (Actually, a friend is dragging my keyboard. I am dragging the stand.) The room is set up with rows of chairs facing the far wall, where a table sits. I set up my keyboard beside the main table, testing the sound. I will […]
How To Pray for Chronic Illness
I recently had a great experience of prayer. A group of friends came over and prayed for my illness. Guess what? They didn’t pray that I would be healed. They didn’t assume what I wanted. Instead, they listened while I articulated my prayer needs. Then, gently and sensitively, they prayed as the Holy Spirit led […]
Is Singledom A ‘Season’?
‘Don’t worry, your singleness is just for a season,’ my friend reassured me. ‘Why don’t you use this season to work on yourself?’ Ugh. There is so much in these two seemingly innocuous sentences that irks me. Beyond the misconception that once you work on yourself the right partner will magically appear, summoned by your […]