‘Be still and know that I am God.’ Psalm 46:10, NIV Nearly three years ago, I started practising stillness on a regular basis. Inspired by Julia Baird’s luminescent book, Phosphorescence*, and the constant noise inside my own head, I set myself a goal of becoming still at least once a day. It didn’t matter if […]
prayer
My Weird Testimony
‘I’ll pray for your healing,’ smiled the young woman. ‘Actually,’ I smiled back, ‘I think God has told me he’s not going to heal me.’ The woman frowned. ‘That’s not the God I know. My God would never deny me healing.’ ‘OK, let me tell you my weird testimony…’ In the not-too-distant past, I was […]
Myths of Singledom
I met my husband later in life: I was twenty-nine. OK, that may not sound like a ‘late’ marriage, but in my church circles everyone was married by the ripe old age of twenty-one. At twenty-nine, I was considered practically retired. Or a leper. During those years of singledom, I encountered some interesting myths and […]
Survival Skills: Grace in the Flames
Three years ago I became disabled by illness. I don’t know whether it was lupus or not; the illness was never diagnosed. But it was a doozy of a flare-up and I was off work for about six months. During that time, I was virtually house-bound, going out only for medical appointments. I had to […]
Survival Skills: Scriptures for Illness
‘Doubled up with pain, I call to God All the day long. No answer. Nothing. I keep at it all night, tossing and turning… I’m a bucket kicked over and spilled, Every joint in my body has been pulled apart. My heart is a blob Of melted wax in my gut. I’m dry as a […]
Prayer of a Disfigured Christian
“The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field. There was nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look. He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away. We […]
Survival Skills: Beauty and Breath
In the cool of the evening, I walk down the winding street toward the lake. The sunlight is fading gently into deep yellow and orange, the feathered clouds tinged with pink. There are a few joggers and dog walkers about, and we exchange a nod and a soft greeting. I pass gum trees, bottle brushes […]
Survival Skills: Upending Ableism
‘You need to do more squats,’ said my friend. ‘When your muscles are stronger, your knees won’t hurt as much.’ I stared at her. ‘Yeah, no,’ I snorted. ‘I can’t actually do squats at all.’ ‘Well,’ she said, the cogs in her brain clearly struggling with the concept of someone being unable to do squats, […]
Survival Skills: Grieving Spaces
I woke up with a niggle in my chest. It’s fine, I told myself. I took pain killers anyway. They I laid down to rest, but the pain became rapidly worse. So I got up, sat on the couch, and began praying that the pain killers would kick in really soon. Twenty minutes later I […]
Am I Brave?
‘I don’t know how you cope with your illness,’ said my well-meaning friend. ‘You must be really brave!’ I flinched inwardly. I knew she meant it as a compliment, and I took it in the spirit in which it was given, but something in me reacted involuntarily. The notion of surviving chronic illness being reduced […]