I recently had a great experience of prayer. A group of friends came over and prayed for my illness. Guess what? They didn’t pray that I would be healed. They didn’t assume what I wanted. Instead, they listened while I articulated my prayer needs. Then, gently and sensitively, they prayed as the Holy Spirit led them.
This is a bigger deal than it might sound. In the past, I’ve had terrible experiences with prayer. I’ve had people abruptly lay hands on me in public and pray for me without warning or permission. I’ve had people confess sins on my behalf, sins I was previously unaware that I had. I’ve had a near-endless stream of people declare that this time, God will heal me.
In the past, I’ve had terrible experiences with prayer. The only thing in common with all these experiences is that I have not been healed. And I have felt ambushed.*
Don’t get me wrong. I’m actually a big fan of prayer, and I have experienced God’s healing in my own life. Over the years, he’s healed me of various ailments, infections and flares. But I still live with a chronic disease called lupus. God has not healed me of that.
I have prayed on a few specific occasions that God would heal me. But I believe God has said no. It seems he wants me to continue to worship him in spite of the illness. That’s what he’s calling me to do. (I wish I’d been given a different sort of calling, to be honest. Chronic illness would not have been my first choice.)
It seems God wants me to continue to worship him, in spite of illness. Christians, in my experience (and yours may be different), seem to assume that God wants to heal everybody. And yes, God’s heart is for our ultimate redemption and resurrection, but that doesn’t mean he wants to heal all of us now. Some of us have alternative testimonies of peace, God’s faithfulness and spiritual endurance.
Sometimes, as neat as it would be to get healed, there are things I need even more. Sometimes I need prayer for peace and calm in my mind. Sometimes I need wisdom for my doctors. Sometimes I just need a really good night’s sleep.
What I need most of all is spiritual wellness (which is more important than my physical wholeness). I’d love people to pray that I will be able to turn to God, especially at those times when I am angry or disappointed that he won’t heal me. Other good prayers are for the Spirit to remind me of his promised presence and for spiritual growth, no matter what turn my illness takes next.
What I need most of all is spiritual wellness—which is more important than physical wholeness.My number one tip for praying around illness? Ask for consent. Talk about the person’s prayer requests first rather than jumping in blind, or worse, overriding someone’s wishes and praying for stuff they’ve specifically vetoed (like the dreaded healing prayer in my example). And if you believe God is leading you to pray for something in particular, maybe check in with them first and make sure it’s OK to pray in that way. Consent is a beautiful thing.
Even better than prayer is simply being there. Chronic illness is a tricky road to navigate, and faith, which at times can be a haven for those of us living with chronic illness, can also be a source of difficulty. At those times, your mere presence is enough. It might not feel like it to you, but trust me: in the loneliness that is chronic illness, your friendship makes the world of difference.
In the loneliness that is chronic illness, your friendship makes the world of difference. It certainly made a mammoth difference for me on the night my wonderful friends gathered around me, listened, and lifted me up to the Lord.
Have you had a good experience of prayer around illness? What works for you? How can we get better at consensual prayer rather than the ambush-style prayer? Share your story. Let’s have a countercultural conversation.
*Credit: the concept of ‘ambush prayer’ was taken from Brian Brock’s book, Disability. Full reference: Brock, B. (2021) Disability, Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan, United States of America.