‘How are you feeling?’ my friend asked as I walked into church. I jiggled a pair of dice in my head. When you live with a chronic illness, innocent queries after your health can backfire quickly. Well-meaning people can pray for healing that is not forthcoming, or I can get caught in a web of […]
Surviving Chronic Illness
Self-Kindness: Still A Thing
A weird thing happened today: I didn’t push myself. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but trust me, as a recovering perfectionist, and as a person living with chronic illness, self-kindness is kinda miraculous. I have been accustomed to pushing myself like a work horse for a long time. Probably my […]
Collateral Beauty
‘Instead of focusing on collateral damage all the time,’ my friend smiled, ‘I’m trying to see the collateral beauty in the midst of the challenges. I’m looking at them as opportunities. And that’s made all the difference.’ Her phrase “collateral beauty” struck me—so much so that I asked her permission to use it on the […]
I’m an Alfa Romeo
‘Sorry I don’t have better news,’ the doctor apologised. ‘But you’re going to need surgery.’ I laughed hollowly. ‘It’s okay, I’m used to getting fresh diagnoses every other day. In fact, you can put this new one on my tab!’ The news about surgery wasn’t all bad; surgery was a long-awaited answer to a chronic […]
Of Beauty and Rage
No one tells you about the rage. I wish someone had. I wish when I was first diagnosed with lupus that someone wise, a doctor, a counsellor, a pastor, had sat me down and said, ‘Now, Steph, lupus is going to change you as a person. You will come to resent your own skin and […]
Why Living with Lupus is Like a Scavenger Hunt—Part 3
What about Faith? Faith can be a two-edged sword with chronic illness. On the one hand, God’s nearness and companionship have been a great comfort to me. On the other, God has not healed me of lupus. I have wrestled with this. After all, it would be a whole lot easier if God would simply […]
Why Living with Lupus is Like a Scavenger Hunt—Part 2
Finding my Tribe It’s not easy to find support for a rare disease like lupus. But I have a few close friends with autoimmune conditions, and there is nothing quite like the breath of fresh air that is a friend who gets it. When they describe the sensation of brain fog and I say, ‘Oh, […]
Why Living with Lupus is like a Scavenger Hunt—Part 1
Something was wrong with me. I just knew it. I was in my early twenties, freshly graduated from university and starting work at my first full-time job. Flushed with my own success, I threw myself into work, embracing everything it threw back at me. The world was my oyster. Except this oyster was woefully sick. […]
Happy Birthday, Book Baby!
‘I live with lupus,’ the lady said, ‘and when I saw in your author bio that you live with lupus too, I told myself I simply had to meet you!’ ‘I’m so thrilled to meet a fellow lupie!’ I laughed. Lupus is a rare condition and I often feel a bit alone and lost in […]
My Weird Testimony
‘I’ll pray for your healing,’ smiled the young woman. ‘Actually,’ I smiled back, ‘I think God has told me he’s not going to heal me.’ The woman frowned. ‘That’s not the God I know. My God would never deny me healing.’ ‘OK, let me tell you my weird testimony…’ In the not-too-distant past, I was […]