There are times when I get super jealous of able-bodied people. There, I said it. As much as envy is not exactly a fruit of the Spirit, this try-hard Christian experiences jealousy on a semi-regular basis. I feel it watching other people climb stairs without a problem. I experience it when friends regale me with […]
pain
Survival Skills: Scriptures for Illness
‘Doubled up with pain, I call to God All the day long. No answer. Nothing. I keep at it all night, tossing and turning… I’m a bucket kicked over and spilled, Every joint in my body has been pulled apart. My heart is a blob Of melted wax in my gut. I’m dry as a […]
Prayer of a Disfigured Christian
“The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field. There was nothing attractive about him, nothing to cause us to take a second look. He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away. We […]
Survival Skills: The God Who Allows Pain
‘Why does God allow suffering?’ is a common catch-cry in our society. Christians and non-Christians alike struggle with the concept of a God who either doesn’t seem to care about our pain, or who cares but appears powerless to intervene. For a Christian who believes God is all-powerful as well as all-caring, it’s a conundrum. […]
Survival Skills: Beauty and Breath
In the cool of the evening, I walk down the winding street toward the lake. The sunlight is fading gently into deep yellow and orange, the feathered clouds tinged with pink. There are a few joggers and dog walkers about, and we exchange a nod and a soft greeting. I pass gum trees, bottle brushes […]
Survival Skills: Upending Ableism
‘You need to do more squats,’ said my friend. ‘When your muscles are stronger, your knees won’t hurt as much.’ I stared at her. ‘Yeah, no,’ I snorted. ‘I can’t actually do squats at all.’ ‘Well,’ she said, the cogs in her brain clearly struggling with the concept of someone being unable to do squats, […]
Survival Skills: Grieving Spaces
I woke up with a niggle in my chest. It’s fine, I told myself. I took pain killers anyway. They I laid down to rest, but the pain became rapidly worse. So I got up, sat on the couch, and began praying that the pain killers would kick in really soon. Twenty minutes later I […]
Am I Brave?
‘I don’t know how you cope with your illness,’ said my well-meaning friend. ‘You must be really brave!’ I flinched inwardly. I knew she meant it as a compliment, and I took it in the spirit in which it was given, but something in me reacted involuntarily. The notion of surviving chronic illness being reduced […]
Books, Koorong, and Pain…And Thankfulness
As I write this final blog for the year, it seems fitting to give thanks for everything that has happened in 2024. Even though 2024 has possibly been one of the worst years of my life. Chronic illness ran away from me this year. I have been sick almost non stop. I won’t go into […]
What is ‘Real’ Strength?
‘God said this once and for all; how many times have I heard it repeated? “Strength comes straight from God.”’ – Psalms 62:11 (MSG) The life of chronic illness is one of perpetual fatigue and weariness. I constantly feel physically weak, as though weights are attached to every part of my body. Everything from throbbing […]