In the cool of the evening, I walk down the winding street toward the lake. The sunlight is fading gently into deep yellow and orange, the feathered clouds tinged with pink. There are a few joggers and dog walkers about, and we exchange a nod and a soft greeting. I pass gum trees, bottle brushes […]
pain
Survival Skills: Upending Ableism
‘You need to do more squats,’ said my friend. ‘When your muscles are stronger, your knees won’t hurt as much.’ I stared at her. ‘Yeah, no,’ I snorted. ‘I can’t actually do squats at all.’ ‘Well,’ she said, the cogs in her brain clearly struggling with the concept of someone being unable to do squats, […]
Survival Skills: Grieving Spaces
I woke up with a niggle in my chest. It’s fine, I told myself. I took pain killers anyway. They I laid down to rest, but the pain became rapidly worse. So I got up, sat on the couch, and began praying that the pain killers would kick in really soon. Twenty minutes later I […]
Am I Brave?
‘I don’t know how you cope with your illness,’ said my well-meaning friend. ‘You must be really brave!’ I flinched inwardly. I knew she meant it as a compliment, and I took it in the spirit in which it was given, but something in me reacted involuntarily. The notion of surviving chronic illness being reduced […]
Books, Koorong, and Pain…And Thankfulness
As I write this final blog for the year, it seems fitting to give thanks for everything that has happened in 2024. Even though 2024 has possibly been one of the worst years of my life. Chronic illness ran away from me this year. I have been sick almost non stop. I won’t go into […]
What is ‘Real’ Strength?
‘God said this once and for all; how many times have I heard it repeated? “Strength comes straight from God.”’ – Psalms 62:11 (MSG) The life of chronic illness is one of perpetual fatigue and weariness. I constantly feel physically weak, as though weights are attached to every part of my body. Everything from throbbing […]
Praying Through Infertility—Faith Renovations
‘When we start from the foundation of knowing we are loved, rather than demolishing our faith, times of pain can lead to faith renovations…’ – ‘A Firm Foundation’, Katherine Gantlett, from Praying Through Infertility. This quote for me sums up the entire message and tone of Praying Through Infertility, the 90-day devotional for men and women struggling […]
Don’t Hurry My Grief
I don’t get why people want me to move on from childless grief. ‘We just want you to be happy,’ they say. Apparently, in their eyes, me being ‘happy’ means not grieving and probably forgetting about being childless as well. I have a few problems with this. First of all, what makes you think I’m not […]
Surgery for Easter
On Maundy Thursday As the world holds its breath for Good Friday I will be slowing down my breath For surgery. As we remember the Last Supper Held in memory of the Passover I will be passing out On a cold surgical table. I will awaken In time for Good Friday Lying motionless in recovery […]
Random Acts of Kindness
Sickness can be lonelifying. Not to mention depressing. So it goes without saying that simple acts of kindness in the midst of sickness can go a long way. I’ve been sick for the past few weeks. This week, while resigning myself to another lonely week of persistent nausea (I’ve got enough nausea to light Sydney […]