During a recent interview for Surviving Childlessness, a childless woman told me about a song that helped her through the most painful time of her childlessness journey. I hope it will help others as I share it today.
Beauty from Pain – by Superchick
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I’m alive but I feel like I’ve died
And all that’s left is to accept that it’s over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I’m slipping away
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I’ve cried my last, there’ll be beauty from pain
Though it won’t be today, someday I’ll hope again
And there’ll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can’t understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you’ve brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I’ve cried my last, there’ll be beauty from pain
Though it won’t be today, someday I’ll hope again
And there’ll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
Here I am at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can’t see
I forgot how to hope
This night’s been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I’ve cried my last, there’ll be beauty from pain
Though it won’t be today, someday I’ll hope again
And there’ll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
© 2005 Hsu, T. Brock, Ghazarian, Estelle. (p) 2005 Inpop Records.
The concept of beauty from pain is a recurring one in Christianity. The Bible reassures us over and over that God is with us in our suffering, comforting us and shaping us into His disciples. It speaks of us as gold being refined by fire. God’s Word is filled with hope for the future.
But it feels unpleasant and, at times, downright devastating, to endure what is apparently meaningless suffering. We can question ourselves, whether our faith is enough, whether we are enough. It can cause us to question the God who promises to stay by our side through it all.
Many of us search for meaning in our suffering. We want to know why. We want to understand God’s purposes in the midst of our grief and loss. We don’t want our hardship to be wasted. That’s what makes childlessness so hard for so many. There is often no “why” to be found.
We may not be able to find comfort in a miracle or answered prayer. We may never find a “why”. All our questing may prove fruitless. At that moment, our faith shows its true colours: not what we profess to believe, but what we truly do believe, deep down, when nothing else remains.
Suffering has a tendency to purify our faith in a way that happiness and contentment and answered prayer never could. God often uses these difficult times to bring out a beauty in our lives that we didn’t know existed. In the dead of night, let us cling to His promise that there will be a dawn. May we trust Him in our hardship; trust that one day He will bring forth beauty from our pain.